The Beginning

O.K.  It is a lie.  I haven't lost 100 pounds.  But all the books and articles that talk about visualization and goal setting, say that you put what you want in the present, as if it has already occurred.  And so that is what I have done.

Starting today, my intent is to record my journey.  At 64 this is not the first attempt I have made at losing weight.  It probably isn't even the 100th attempt.  But I am an optimist.  And I am at a different place than I was last year or even yesterday.  I have read more books, done more experimenting,  I have more support from family and friends.  I have more ideas,and more successes in other parts of my life.  So there is no reason to think that I cannot accomplish this.

And it really isn't even about losing weight but about getting healthier.  And by healthier I include both the physical and the mental.  I am a positive person by nature.  And a happy person.  My oldest daughter, Kate, and I disagree about happiness.  She thinks Americans are too self absorbed, too focused on their own happiness.  But happiness isn't about what you are doing or what is going on in your life or even what you have accomplished.  It is purely a state of mind.  It is something that you can choose.  Not always.  Not if you are in the throws of a deep depression and don't know what happiness even looks or feels like.  But otherwise, I think you can.

I had what I call a low level of depression going on through most of the winter and up until a few weeks ago. Fortunately I have been in the business long enough (I am a psychiatric nurse) to know how not to let it get worse.  I knew I had to keep doing the things I normally do even if I didn't feel like it.  Even if I wasn't enjoying it.  I believe that depression,  (and again I am not talking about clinical depression on a major scale)  like all things in life serves a purpose.  I tend to get depressed when I am trying to make changes.  Even good changes.  It's as if my brain does not like to move from the status quo and when I force it there it has to engage in a period of mourning.   I have found  it is best just to let it run it's course.   And even though I was depressed, I don't think, I was unhappy.  I believe there is a difference.

The change I was trying to make was to get healthier.  I have been experimenting with different diets, eating more fruits and vegetables, cutting back on sugar and grains.  And as part of my overall health improvement plan, I started getting weekly massages.  When you are not in a relationship, as I have not been for awhile now, touch is hard to come by.  I was getting a few hugs from friends and coworkers on a sporadic basis but not enough of what I needed.  Massage of course is all about touch and my brain finally decided to let go of the mourning and embrace the change.

So what is it that I am going to do to make this change happen?  How am I going to lose 100 pounds in a year?  One thing I am doing is blogging to keep myself accountable.  I have restarted my walking program. While most of the diet advise I have read of late says that exercise really isn't going to accomplish weight loss, that is at least 80% diet, exercise is important.   It just makes you feel better.  And as you start to feel better you naturally want to do other things to feel better as well, like eating the right foods. My plan with my diet is to eat whole foods as much as possible.  Joel Fuhrman, M.D. in his book Eat to Live assures me that if I follow his diet I will lose all my aches and pains, cure my diabetes (which I don't have)  lower my blood pressure (which is not diagnosed but is probably borderline at best.) and get to my ideal weight.  His diet consists of eating a pound of raw vegetable and a pound of cooked vegetables every day along with fruits and a cup of beans.  Basically no grains, no meat, no sugar and no dairy.  A little extreme, though it seems less extreme to me than it use to.  I have cut back (way back) on my sugars and grains most days.  My problem mostly is with consistency.  And when I go off the diet, portion control.  I do kind of like the diets that let you have a cheat day.  Dr. Fuhrman does not.

I will take it a day at a time.  I will try to eat healthy most days.  I will exercise most days.

I close my eyes.  I am 130 pounds.  I am visualizing.  You can add 100 pounds to that, but I won't.

Just to let you know what I ate for dinner.  My mother's goulash.  With some variations.  Grass fed beef, a little less than a pound.  A large onion, a green pepper, a box (not a can) of tomatoes with nothing added. and instead of elbow macaroni, I used spaghetti squash.  While it did not look exactly like hers, the taste was pretty close and very enjoyable.  The best part is I know exactly what I ate.  Whole foods.